Have you ever shared a struggle only to have someone change the subject, offer a quick fix, or minimize your pain? These urges are normally well-intended and I have them too, even during counseling sessions. Most of us want to be helpful to others, but get really uncomfortable when problems are complicated and we do not have answers for them.
May I encourage you to fight these urges and practice sitting with others’ difficult emotions?
For many of us, it is instinctual to be uneasy with any negative emotions. We really want everything to be okay. But I have found that these urges often lead to fearful and avoidant reactions to life’s problems. Until God transforms our world, we will all be broken and will continue to suffer. Because of this, it is healthier to acknowledge the difficult emotions that are inevitable for all of us.
In the counseling world, there is a term for sitting with difficult emotions. That term is Distress Tolerance. It is used to describe efforts by the counselor to help clients tolerate and examine complicated emotions rather than avoid, shut down, or deny them. Now, there are times to offer solutions and help people focus on blessings instead of negative feelings. But negative feelings do play an important role in our lives. For some excellent insight on handling difficult emotions, check out a book called Untangling Emotions by Alasdair Groves and Winston Smith. The authors helpfully point out that experiencing positive or negative emotions is an important part of how God designed us and works for our good.
In the Bible there are several passages that encourage us to come along side struggling people and hang in there with them through suffering. After all, isn’t this what Jesus Christ the Son of God did for us by entering our broken world as man? The Bible verse Galatians 6:2 commands us to “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” The word “bear” in that passage comes from the Greek which means to carry and take up. By doing so, we are following God’s law. For great insight on how meaningful this command is, check out to this excellent sermon by John Piper called The Law of Christ: Bearing Each Others’ Burdens..
For now, when someone shares something difficult, don’t underestimate the value of just listening and acknowledging their pain. Honestly confronting the brokenness within ourselves and our world gives us an opportunity to learn how to rest in God’s faithfulness in the middle of suffering. Intentionally leaning into the struggles of others gives us an opportunity to point them to God’s faithfulness too.
