By Layla Zickefoose
My family normally has a puzzle or two sitting out this time of year. We slowly work on them during our downtime. The task is much easier when we still have the original box. For a couple of my children’s puzzles, the box is missing, so we essentially labor blind, without the puzzle pictures as guides. I have found myself reflecting on the similarities between doing puzzles blind and ministering to people. This has challenged me to approach others with more curiosity and a reliance on God as I care for them—in counseling and in daily life. I am going to explain and then share a couple of the tools I am trying to apply, in case they are helpful for you.
The longer I am a therapist, the more aware I become that I am often caring for others without having the full picture. As people, our needs and emotions are connected to complexities, and we may not be aware of them. On top of that, it is common to have difficulty expressing ourselves clearly. Past wounds, challenges with emotional expression, or a lack of trust in others often make it hard for people to relay their emotional needs. Of course, when someone shares something that is clearly concerning, we gently correct. But too often, reacting too quickly leads to unhelpful or shallow counsel. We miss opportunities both to understand the people we are helping and to help them understand themselves.
Let me suggest some practical ways to stay curious when ministering to others:
Lead With Listening
Curiosity stays alive when you lead with listening instead of problem-solving. Listening first allows space for feelings to be fully expressed and for the story to unfold. It reminds me that I don’t need to have all the answers, and that understanding grows when I stay present rather than rushing to fix. In this way, curiosity becomes an act of care.
Reflect Back
Curiosity doesn’t always sound like a question. It often sounds like accurate noticing and reflecting. By naming what you see or hear, you show that you are paying attention and invite the other person to clarify or go deeper. Simple reflections like, “It sounds like you’re feeling frustrated,” or “I notice a lot of hesitation here,” can open space for understanding in a way that questions alone sometimes cannot.
Be Humble
In helping conversations, humility sounds like remembering that you are present, but not all-knowing. Only God knows the hearts of people, and He uses us in their lives for good and His glory as He sees fit. This is a comfort: I can try to understand as much of the picture as possible, yet I can also accept that I am not God. Only God is omniscient and fully knows the human heart. We are invited to lean on Him as we care for others.
We will never have the full picture when we are caring for others. But we can care more effectively by learning to understand what we can, while relying on God, who is omniscient and fully knows the human heart.
